ChesterJester for President "Experience"
The Wonderful World of Painting with Chester
Purple | The Alluring Fragrence from ChesterJester
Afghanistan
Decrease expenditures wasted on combating indigenous commodities by embracing the native economic platform and working with in it to stabilize the region. Dramatically increase opium production and heroin sales to promote gainful economic stability and vocational sustainability. Subjugate the population via chemical dependency, which in turn will pacify the insurgency with the mailise of opium addiction, and create an internal cyclical supply and demand process that will introduce the fundamentals of American Capitalism.
Decrease expenditures wasted on combating indigenous commodities by embracing the native economic platform and working with in it to stabilize the region. Dramatically increase opium production...(read more)
Iran
Reach an agreement with Iran to dismantle their nuclear program in return for enriched Thallium for the development of their Schizo-fusion Anti-Matter Death Ray and related civil infrastructure programs. Thallium is by nature highly unstable and will most likely result in a cosmic breach that will render Iran and its allies in a state of continuous quantum lethargy, neutralizing any possible threat with a desperate feeling of ennui at the sub-atomic level.
Reach an agreement with Iran to dismantle their nuclear program in return for enriched Thallium for the development of their Schizo-fusion Anti-Matter Death Ray...(read more)
National Defence
Return to the military budget baseline established by Robert gates in 2010, then triple it. Reinvigorate the American industrial and technological institutions by driving the machines of war, increasing stability in the American economy, modernizing aging military weaponry, creating war-time civilian jobs and using historically proven methods of occupation, subjugation, puppet governments, and McDonald's drive-thrus. Brute force has solved more diplomatic disputes than any other method in history. The best defense is a good offense and Americans, traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. It's time for America to turn its rings around.
Return to the military budget baseline established by Robert gates in 2010, then triple it...(read more)
Education
Federalize the entire American Public School system, creating a national set of standards in quality of education, curriculum, and educational infrastructure. Local, district and state educational funds will be collected and redistributed through the educational network to ensure educational equality. The accepted curriculum will include the ChesterJester revisionist histories, the ChesterJester revisionist sciences, the ChesterJester revisionist languages, and the ChesterJester national indoctrination and fealty program, all available from the ChesterJester National Library, constructed with funds collected from educational monies prior to equalized distribution.
Federalize the entire American Public School system, creating a national set of standards in quality of education, curriculum, and educational infrastructure...(read more)
Family Values
The system of American family values is important to the health of a free nation. Chester embraces the ideals of the American family and pledges to enact comprehensive strategies that will "raise the bar" in the traditional American home. For example, only 39% of teenagers currently engage in "sexting" and only 17% of those have successfully sexted with Chester. Chester is committed to funding and developing key after-school programs that should increase this number. A ChesterJester administration will encourage the adoption of brilliant Neo-conservative family education initiatives such as abstinence only programs and faith-based "sex" education as these statistically lead to greatly increased teen birth rates and sexual disease transmission. An increase in teen pregnancy, combined with solid Rick Santorum "rape-babies-are-gifts from-Jesus"-style draconian pro-life legislation, will provide a sustainable slave work force which will raise industrial production while reducing overhead, creating a marketplace with a higher rate of asset attainment for American commodity fetishism, increasing financial circulation and stabilizing the economy. The United States continues to enjoy the highest global divorce rate, and we must take precautionary measures to ensure this key component of traditional American family values remains intact, lest we be over-run by the heathen communist atheistic pagans who seek to undermine our country by allowing marriages to continue uncontested or absolved.
The system of American family values is important to the health of a free nation. Chester embraces the ideals of the American family and pledges to enact comprehensive strategies that will "raise the bar"...(read more)
Marriage
The United States continues to enjoy the highest global divorce rate, and we must take precautionary measures to ensure this key component of traditional American family values remains intact, lest we be over-run by the heathen communist atheistic pagans who seek to undermine our country by allowing marriages to continue uncontested or absolved. Chester believes we can do better than our current divorce rate. Why should divorce be something only the chosen few can enjoy. Chester is a proponent of divorce equality, believing fundamentally that everyone should have right to have a divorce, regardless of their sexual orientation.
The United States continues to enjoy the highest global divorce rate, and we must take precautionary measures...(read more)
